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Pass the wine – hilarious dating stories we just can’t believe people have experienced

We have to admit that hearing about dating disasters is a guilty pleasure at HLN HQ. Here are some of our favourites from real women in the North East...

Awkward

One date took me to Burger King because it was ‘what he liked to eat’. He ate two full meals by himself and talked about himself the whole date. He then lunged across the table for a kiss whilst his whole mouth was covered in sauce. The date ended there.

I once went on a date where the guy got massively drunk – nerves maybe? But he was way more drunk than me and that doesn’t take much. He ended up being sick and then actually asked for a kiss afterwards.

My first date with my now-husband, he thought I had blonde hair from the Saturday night out that we met on. No hello as I walked up to him, just – have you dyed your hair? I was like, no – that must have been someone else…

One guy asked where I worked and then spent the full date treating it like a job interview saying how much he wanted a career in IT.

I was so drunk when I went on one first date that I forgot what he looked like and walked up to the wrong guy. Luckily my date didn’t see and it worked out alright though – we’ve been together for 10 years! Although I don’t think he knows that I forgot who he was.

Just plain wrong

I went on a date a few months back with a girl, but halfway through the date we both realised that I’d been on a date with her ex-boyfriend about a year earlier. She left him because she realised she was gay, and I’d met up with him when I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t gay. The poor lad – at least we all have a type!

I’d been texting a guy for ages and I was so excited for our first date. He said he’d planned something really special but wanted it to be a surprise, and he was really excited to take me on it. The day of the date arrived, and he came to pick me up. We drove to a random car park, and his “special date” that he’d planned was having sex in his car. Needless to say, we didn’t have a second date. He’s a famous footballer now – I wonder if his dating strategy has improved?

I was once getting with a guy at uni, took him back to my halls and he went ‘Right, come on get naked. Don’t be shy, I’m fat too.’ It goes without saying that did not have sex.”

A guys opening line to me on Tinder was, ‘If I buy you 20 chicken nuggets can I have sex with you in my car’.

Completely random…

I met a guy on tinder who wasn’t my normal type but after a few bad dates, I thought why not branch out a bit and give him a try. We went for some drinks and he came on really strong telling me he had shown my photo to friends and family and they all thought I was beautiful and really his type. He went on to tell me he had recently lost a lot of weight and has actually been in a local newspaper because of it and then told me that he would be on TV soon… I didn’t press on it, I just assumed it was to do with his weight loss. I got home to a lot of texts telling me how much he had enjoyed the night. The next day I didn’t hear anything, then a few days went by and I’d heard nothing which I was quite relieved about as it saved me having to tell him I wasn’t interested. Later that day I put the TV on and there he was – in the same outfit from our date – on Jeremy Kyle. I won’t say what his storyline was, but needless to say, I deleted tinder that day.”

I was asked on a date by a guy I met on Facebook he seemed nice, good looking, tattoos, quite outdoorsy. I met him at the beach on an evening and we went for a walk. He was very quiet and didn’t laugh at any of my jokes which just made things awkward. After an hour of very limited chat out of nowhere he kisses me, I was shocked and didn’t really think I was giving off any signals, but we were on the beach by a fire so I went with it… until I hear bats flying above my head. I scream and sit up he turns and says oh no don’t worry that’s just a *insert random bat species* and then proceeded to pull out his phone which had a pre-recording of different bat sounds on it. I thought we had better walk back to my car by this point, but I didn’t realise how far we had walked until he decided to tell me all about his love of wolves, show me his wolf tattoos and list his favourite wolf films from 10-1 without prompting. He was beyond horrified I had seen none of these films and I realised the reason he was not talking for most of the date was because his conversation really lied in the subject of wolves… we didn’t see each other again…”

We can be just as bad…

I was going to meet someone and was so ill from the night before. I got stuck in traffic and ended up being sick on myself because I didn’t want the embarrassment of being sick out of the window. I had to go home and was two hours late for our date, making up a random excuse because I couldn’t tell him the truth.

I’d just started going out with someone and got so drunk before we went for food that I had to leave the restaurant after we had ordered to be sick outside. He took me home but I was going to be sick in the taxi so we had to stop. it was really near my mam’s house so I got him to take me there instead – he’d only met her once. Total disaster.” 

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