Feel Good

Sian Confidential

I’ve been married for seven years, but I don’t fancy my husband anymore.

Written by High Life North
Published 18.09.2020

Dear Sian

I have been married for 7 years and have 2 small children which take up a lot of time. I also work part time so life is busy. At the weekends we try and do family stuff and my husband is lovely and a great dad. But when I look at him, I’m not sexually attracted to him one bit.

He doesn’t take care of himself the way he used to. He showers and shaves for work but doesn’t at the weekends unless we are going out which is rare. He’s put on a few stones and doesn’t really dress with any style.

I have started to look at other men and even imagine having sex with them but know I wouldn’t hurt my husband that way. I feel trapped.

Dear Emma

Some of the oldest sayings have kernels of truth. Seven years seems to be is the average time for people in relationships to start questioning them. The honeymoon period that can last up to 2 years is gone, children stresses plays a part, plus as we become more comfortable with each other our bodies and habits can relax. The mystery and romance are gone.  Yet some couples don’t have these problems and I believe this is because they think differently, so feel differently and therefore act differently. Adopt their attitudes. A HUGE difference in behaviour will be communication styles.

Long term happy couples talk about the small things that are problems on a regular basis so things don’t build up. How do you know your husband is still happy with you? If you are acting distant or disgruntled in anyway? Do you look and act the same as you did 7 years ago? I would suggest looking at all the things that made you fall in love with him. He is still the same person. Communicate to him how you feel about how the romance and mystery is gone and you think you both should make an effort in “courting” each other again.

There might be a reason as to why he doesn’t take care of himself anymore, it might be a case of stress or self-confidence. What would life be like for all four of you if you decided to divorce him? Better or worse for you all? How is your mood and stress levels, as this can also play a part in sex drive that will affect how you feel about your partner. There are lots of considerations here for you to mull over before making any decisions.

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Sian is a cognitive behaviour therapist and also a clinical hypnotherapist, having trained at Goldsmiths College, University of London and the College of Clinical Hypnosis. Four years ago Sian relocated her Harley Street practice to her native North East after 26 years in central London. Sian now runs her private clinic in Gosforth and also owns a training academy to help organisations with stress reduction. Sian’s approach is to help people become their own therapists, whether they come to see her for panic attacks, depression or OCD (she covers a wide range of emotional and behavioural issues).


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