How to discuss race with children

Learning together

Uju reminds us that in discussions about race we may not have all the answers, and it’s okay to show your child that. She says, “You don’t have to pretend to have all the answers. It’s good to keep learning alongside your child. If it’s something you don’t have an immediate response for, you could simply say ‘I’m not sure about that, shall I look into it?’ or ‘shall we find out together?’ If you have older kids, be ready to have deeper conversations and don’t worry if it feels awkward. We can all feel uncomfortable talking about stuff that’s normally swept under the carpet. But the more we talk about race in our homes, the easier it will become to talk about it as a society.”

Prejudiced comments can sometimes be made by people we love. As parents we have a responsibility to acknowledge these remarks and teach our children better ways. Uju understands that situations like this can be tricky: “It can create a lot of tension when loved ones come out with offensive comments. You might not be able to change how a relative thinks but you can break the chain of ignorance with your own children. If you are feeling too awkward to say anything in the heat of the moment, be sure to follow up with your children afterwards and discuss what was said and why you don’t agree. Talk about what your child can do if a friend or peer says something racist. It’s your call, but the most important thing is not to sit in silence and pretend it never happened. It sets a bad example for your kids and sometimes passive racism is the most damaging of all.”

BOX: Diversify your book shelf

When you look at the books in your home, it’s possible many feature white families and white children or were the books you read a as a child. There are many diverse texts available and as Uju tells us, “Stories are a brilliant way to help children empathise with people who don’t look like them, so be intentional about the books you choose to read with your kids.”