How To Maintain Friendships During A Pandemic

Go beyond the weekly meetings to incorporate meaningful activities

“When it comes to strong friendships, it’s not about weekly meetings you have. It’s what you do in that time together that matters,” Dr Marisa Franco, psychologist and friendship expert says. 

Research shows that when we experience different activities with someone at different levels of engagement – which is called multiplexing – we deepen the relationship. 

For example, she explains, If I only know you at work, the scope to experience new things and strengthen the bond is limited. But if I can hang out with you outside of work, doing something completely different, we have more opportunities to explore our relationship. 

If you keep repeating the same virtual tea and chat routine, it quickly becomes stale. So both Dr Franco and Dr Thompson encourage people to try new things. 

“We have potentially become institutionalised by the repeated lockdowns and narrowing of our day to day experiences, which is very concerning for young people in particular, who should be constantly learning, experiencing new activities and developing new skills,” Dr Thompson says. “This may have longer-term impacts on their social skills, confidence in meeting new people, making friends and communication skills.”

So break that cycle of zoom meetings and take up a virtual cooking class or have a Netflix party instead. 

Don’t have the energy to text back? Here’s why

If you feel like you don’t have the energy to text your friends, know that you are not a bad person. You are not neglecting your friendships. We are in the middle of a worldwide crisis; it’s okay to take a moment away from the world. 

However, it is important to recognize the difference between withdrawing to recoup your energy and depressive isolation. If you are going off the grid for a short while to rest/introspect, that’s okay. That’s healthy. But if you are actively withdrawing from all social contact for an extended period of time, you might want to consider why. 

Ask yourself what it means for you to not have the energy to socialize, Dr Franco suggests. Are you afraid that people will reject you and you can’t handle that stress during a vulnerable time like this? Are friends simply not a priority for you at this stage of life? If so, what are your priority areas? 

Interrogate your feelings around this topic, she says. Sometimes we have certain assumptions about what it means to interact with friends. These can look like: “When I’m with my friends, I must put on a happy face,” or “When I’m with my friends, I won’t be understood.” If you are holding on to these beliefs, deconstruct them with (ideally) a therapist or a trusted friend. Instead of worrying about whether it’s okay to ghost your friends, direct your mental energy to evaluate whether these assumptions are actually true.