The reality of life with an eating disorder

Like many young people, Gabby went on to university, where she stayed in catered accommodation and developed a favourable relationship with food and eating. During her second year, however, things took a bit of a turn. Like many students, Gabby and her friends had gained weight during their first year away from home. When one friend decided to join Slimming World – a friend that Gabby felt was already thinner than her – panic set in and she began restricting her own consumption.

Initially it was small fry – not snacking as much and trying to encourage a healthier diet. But over time this grew to weighing herself several times a day and randomly selecting a target weight. This was encouraged by positive affirmation and compliments on her appearance from those around her. Over time, she found that keeping up such a strict regime was intense; she missed eating and would binge. But binging then led to purging – something she kept hidden from her friends and family.

As someone that has studied Psychology for more than five years now, Gabby is now aware that many people tend to be in denial of their conditions. But even with her training, she still found herself to be one of them – and didn’t recognise that her lifestyle was unhealthy for years. In 2020, she began taking medication for her Bulimia and is now in a more settled place with her disordered eating behaviours. ‘It’s still very much a battle in my mind and there’s often so much guilt,’ she says. ‘I’m much better, but can still spiral. My disorders are still present but they’re less controlling now.’

One of her favourite methods is something a little unconventional, but it works. ‘I put my headphones in when I go for a walk and pretend I’m on the phone,’ Gabby tells us. ‘I like to talk about how I’m feeling aloud, and to the rest of the world it looks like I’m simply taking a call.’ This is a quicker and simpler method of journaling, and gives the same results.

Gabby also shared with us some good suggestions for helping others suffering with eating disorders – the first of which is to normalise the conversation. ‘Try to be welcoming, but not invasive,’ she suggests, ‘and be willing to listen but be aware that this is not a problem that comes with a quick fix.’

A keen bookworm like us here at HLN, Gabby also recommended a collection of books that she has turned to during her journey towards recovery, which she suggested may be helpful to anyone else who may not yet feel ready to seek professional help: