3 ways to get more confident – according to female-only business coach and mentor, Emma Vincent
As part of our new Back On Track series, Emma shares her top confidence-building tips...
By Emma Vincent
CELEBRATING THE UNIQUENESS OF YOU
Ever found yourself procrastinating over something you know you can do, but that you can’t do like ‘them…’, (whoever “them” might be)?
Well, as Theodore Roosevelt famously said, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ – so let’s try to get out of that cycle of comparison, negative talk and self-judgement.
- Grab a cuppa and sit in a quiet space with a pen and piece of paper.
- Write down every single thing you know you are ace at – and if you’re already saying to yourself: ‘I’m not good at anything’, I bet you could start with something as simple as: I make a mean cup of coffee. Or: I see the best in everyone. You’ll be surprised at how quickly the list grows and how your mind will start to see the things you want to see, rather than the things you don’t.
- If it feels like too much to dive straight into remembering the things you’re good at, try writing down at least five things, people or places that you’re grateful for and why. This brief reminder of the goodness you have around you will soon take your brain to a place of positivity and out of the way of comparison.
- And if taking yourself completely out of comparison through the practice of gratitude feels too much at first, try only comparing you to the you of yesterday. Remember, a 1% improvement on the you of yesterday gives you a 100% improvement in little over 3 months!
MAKE SELF-COMPASSION NON-NEGOTIABLE THROUGH POSITIVE RE-FRAMING
We can be so hard on ourselves through our negative self-talk that it can stop us from doing, being and having exactly what we dream of. Our thought patterns are on repeat every single day, so simply by changing one negative thought to a positive one each day will soon make our cycle of thought kinder and more compassionate.
The next time you find yourself saying something to yourself like, ‘That can never work for me’ or ‘I don’t deserve…’, try to stop yourself mid-thought and ask yourself if you would speak like that to your best friend?
If you need a more practical way of doing this… Every time you find yourself using a negative word to describe something that you’re doing, pop it into your notes (either on your phone or in a notebook/journal) and write the opposite, positive word next to it.
It’s surprising how quickly you will start to automatically reframe your language when you find yourself on a negative spiral about yourself. Try it for as little as 30 days consistently and you won’t believe the things that, all of a sudden, you can ‘just do’.
Our confidence can take a nose-dive because we like to set ourselves BIG goals, but we don’t always know how to be patient in allowing ourselves to actually achieve these goals. This, in turn, can lead us to give up easier, adding to the mistrust we have created in our nervous system through not achieving what we set out to achieve.
So the next time you find yourself setting yourself any kind of goal, also set the intention to make sure you enjoy the journey as much (if not more than) the destination.
This can be made easier to achieve by:
- Committing to reviewing your progress as frequently as you can, (depending on the size of the goal that can be hourly/daily/weekly).
- In this review, instead of seeing the things that haven’t yet been achieved, focus and write down what you actually have done and be as proud of your progress as you know you’ll be when you see the end result.
- When you’ve achieved a major milestone, make sure you mark the occasion –take yourself for a date to your favourite coffee shop, or go for a long walk in nature. Whatever it is, do it for just you – no guilt.
- When you make it to your final destination, remember to give yourself time to truly celebrate. When you calibrate your achievements, they’re more likely to stick around – rather than slip back as soon as you start focusing on the next goal.
- If you’re in a position to buy yourself something as a reminder of the feeling you had when you achieved your goal, then take this as your permission slip to do just that. This can then be used as a physical reminder that you can achieve anything you set out to.
- This will also serve as a constant reminder of how much trust you’re building in yourself – another way to remind your nervous system that ‘you’ve got this!’
ABOUT EMMA VINCENT
Emma Vincent Coaching exists to support woman and help them fulfil their potential, take up space and use their voices to effect positive change.
Centred around coaching and mentoring woman exclusively, Emma dedicates herself to helping others build the life they’re dreaming of, working particularly with female business owners who are ready for more.
She’s completely committed to changing the way the world of work operates for woman – or, in other words, bringing down the patriarchy! But through a strategic framework of support which is centred around Emma’s core values of freedom, love, peace, authenticity, relationships and harmony.
To find out more about how Emma may be able to help you forge your own path to the future, visit her website