North East women share their embarrassing sex stories

Let’s face it – sex never unfolds like it does in the movies. These real-life sex stories prove just that.

But hey, the beauty of it all (besides the orgasms, obviously) is that even the most awkward encounters make for hilarious stories over wine with the girls.

From bizarre fetishes to mortifying family encounters and overly affectionate pets, here are some hilarious and cringe-worthy sex stories from North East women.

A BLOODY GOOD TIME

‘I was once having sex with this man who had really long hair. It was all going well until his locks got attached to my nipple piercing and it got ripped out. There was blood everywhere – it looked like a murder scene!’

LOST VIBRATIONS

‘I once had a bullet vibrator get stuck inside me because my boyfriend thought it was a good idea to let go… it wasn’t pretty. When I stood up, I could still feel the vibrator vibrating inside of me. I thought I was going to have to go to A&E, but I managed to fish it out – never again!’

MUM SECURITY

‘After a romantic night in town, I went back to my date’s house. I fell asleep, only to be abruptly awakened at 6am by his mum, who kicked me out, tossing my heels and belongings into the street.’

HEAD OVER HEELS

‘Once, a man fell head-first down my stairs after sex. Unsure of what to do, I had to help him up and take him to the hospital. We waited for hours in A&E on a Saturday night, and he ended up with a concussion – definitely not how I expected the night to end.’

SICK STUDENT SEX

‘When I was at uni, we all went out for Fresher’s Week. I ended up taking someone back to my student accommodation and he threw up all over me mid-sex. To make matters worse, he then got embarrassed and ran away wearing MY joggers, leaving all his clothes behind.’

A MAN IN UNIFORM

‘Once, I was seeing an ex-Marine and things were going well between us. However, he had one peculiar fetish – he insisted on wearing his old uniform every time. While it might sound sexy, it turned out he had put on a bit of weight since then, and the uniform didn’t quite fit anymore – the ick’

BLOWN AWAY

‘After holding off on going ‘all the way,’ it was the first night I slept with my now-fiancé. I was trying my hardest to be ‘sexy.’ We started to have sex, but after a while, I let out a massive queef – an instant mood killer!’

DOGGY STYLE

‘Once I was on my knees giving someone a blow job. Caught up in the moment I didn’t realise that his dog was coming up behind me and it started to lick my bum. He obviously wanted to join in the action…’

MORNING OF SHAME

‘I had a one-night stand, and the next morning, I gathered my things, fully prepared to make a discreet exit. But to my surprise, I was invited to have breakfast with the entire family, including grandparents, while still dressed in last night’s dress and makeup.’

A LECTURER SURPRISE

‘I went on a date and we were talking about his family. He mentioned that his mum was a lecturer at Northumbria University and I thought nothing of it. We ended up back at his house and had sex. The next morning, as I left his room, I came face to face with his mum, who turned out to be my lecturer and dissertation tutor –awkward!’

SICK SEDUCTION

‘Once, all I had eaten that day was a bag of Terry’s chocolate orange segments. Later that night, I went over to my partner’s house and began to give him a blow job. But, when I gagged, I ended up vomiting all over his groin!’

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