Rewrite the fairytale: finding self-worth beyond your dating life

Have you ever felt like your self-worth is tied to your relationship status?

I get it – I understand because I was you. I know the frustration, the endless overthinking and the self-doubt that creeps in when yet another date or relationship ends in disappointment instead of the fairytale romance we hope for.

The idea of a Bridgerton-style courtship, where several suitors battled for one fair lady’s hand, seems like a distant fairy tale. Today, it feels like the roles have reversed. Men have the pick of the bunch while we scramble to find our ‘one’ before time runs out.

There was a time when effort, patience, and dedication were the currency of romance, and women had the power to choose from a pool of eager admirers. But today, it feels like the script has flipped.

Instead of suitors vying for our attention with a colourful bouquet in hand, we’re left swiping through dating apps, trying to make the ‘right’ impression, and wondering why the effort seems so one-sided.

Not only that, but we’ve also grown up with the stories of our parents and grandparents finding ‘the one’ in their early twenties or even their teens, and when our own lives don’t follow that pattern, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling behind.

I often questioned why my love life wasn’t fitting the blueprint they laid out for me. I’m approaching my 30s without a husband or children; something must be wrong with me. I know I’m not alone in this – many women I’ve spoken to ask this same question.

This seismic shift in dating dynamics has left many of us feeling insecure about ourselves, wondering why we haven’t found that one special person and questioning our own self-worth. Ultimately, many of us end up settling for less than we deserve, putting in effort for someone who gives us the bare minimum.

After years of trying to detach my self-worth from my dating life and then helping other people do the same, here are a few things I’ve learned:

Now, aside from those lessons that I want you to take on board, you might be wondering, “But how do I strengthen my self-worth in my day-to-day life?” To improve your self-worth, you must practice self-love. Every. Day. By focusing on these areas, you’ll realise that your value extends far beyond your relationship status, and you’ll build a sense of self that’s independent of anyone else’s validation:

• Strengthen your identity by investing time into the hobbies and interests outside of dating that make you happy.
• Be kind and compassionate towards yourself, especially in the face of rejection, by reminding yourself of your brilliant qualities.
• Nurture your friendships and family bonds, as these are the people who appreciate you for being you, and their love supports the fact that you are valued and important, regardless of your dating life. Their love for you is constant, no matter what your dating life looks like.
• Focus on personal growth by setting achievable goals and celebrating what makes you an individual success.

Remember who you are, what you bring to the table, and that love doesn’t have an age limit. Start investing that love and respect in yourself today, and you’ll be surprised how the right people and experiences naturally gravitate towards you.