- Feel Good
- 20th Dec 2024
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The ‘Sobergasm’ revolution: Why sober sex might mean more pleasure
With the festive season upon us, many of us are gearing up for Christmas parties, clinking glasses, and indulging in some mistletoe mischief.
But a new trend is challenging our assumptions about alcohol and intimacy – enter the ‘Sobergasm’, (that’s a sober orgasm to me and you).
Recent research by sexual wellness brand Lovehoney and Spencer Matthew’s alcohol-free spirit brand CleanCo sheds light on the surprising benefits of sober sex, suggesting it could be more pleasurable, more connected, and – perhaps most interestingly – more orgasmic than the tipsy alternative.
Drunk vs. sober: The orgasm gap
We all know that alcohol can lower inhibitions, but it turns out it might also lower satisfaction in the bedroom. Studies reveal that 64% of Brits have had drunk sex, but just 20% say they always enjoy it.
The statistics get even starker when it comes to orgasms: being intoxicated makes you 33% less likely to climax.
Why? Experts suggest alcohol impairs your physical sensations and emotional presence, creating a disconnect between mind and body. While 45% of men and 15% of women say they usually orgasm during sober sex, these figures drop significantly during drunk encounters (29% and 11%, respectively).
Is sober the new sexy?
Beyond the stats, the emotional benefits of sober intimacy are striking. More than half of the people surveyed said that sex without alcohol helped them feel more present, more aware of their partner, and more in tune with their own bodies.
It seems younger generations are leading the way, with just 17% of Gen Z drinking weekly and less than half admitting to having had drunk sex – far lower than older generations – reflecting the broader ‘sober-curious’ movement.
Rethinking the festive fling culture
Of course, the festive season brings its own challenges. Nearly 40% of us drink more during the Christmas party season, and many admit to regretting decisions made under the influence. From awkward office hookups to moments that strain relationships, alcohol-fuelled flings often leave us cringing.
We spoke to HLN’s expert psychologist, Dr Ashling Doherty, for her take on sober sex. She said: “Many feel that alcohol increases body confidence, turns the anxiety down and supports relaxation when it comes to sexual pleasure.
“This can be true for some and depends on the amount. The reliance on alcohol to engage in sexual experience can be masking many emotions. Some research suggests that alcohol can make orgasms for women a lot less intense. It can also increase anxiety the next day, which impacts overall wellbeing.
Dr Ashling’s tips if you’re intimidated by sober sex
- Having a sexual experience without alcohol can be scary for many. It’s important to name the emotions associated with the experience but also to look at it from a fun side.
- Take it slowly. Focus on the other person instead of yourself. Communicate your feelings before and after.
- See it with curiosity: what about sex holds you back? Do you carry shame? Is it about pleasing? How do you like to be touched? Express these thoughts with your partner outside of the bedroom.
Foreplay happens outside of the bedroom by feeling safe and doing fun activities together.
In psychosexual therapy, we talk about getting intimate in other ways first, with a sensate focus, for example, massage, with no end destination.
The key to sober sex is having fun and managing any worries associated with it. A really good book I use in clinic is Come As You Are – a great book for all women.
The Sobergasm cocktail recipe
Whether you’re planning a booze-free Christmas or just fancy trying something new, the Sobergasm cocktail is a festive drink with a twist. Its bold, spicy flavours might even rival your favourite festive tipple…
Ingredients:
- 25ml fresh lime juice
- 50ml CleanCo Clean T
- 1 tbsp fresh orange juice
- 1 tbsp hot honey
- Sea salt, chilli flakes, and lime for garnish
Method:
- Make a chilli-salt rim by mixing sea salt and chilli flakes on a plate. Rub a lime wedge along the rim of your glass, then dip it into the mixture.
- In a shaker, combine lime juice, CleanCo Clean T, orange juice, and hot honey. Add ice and shake vigorously.
- Pour into your prepared glass and garnish with a lime wedge.
So, this Christmas, why not raise a glass to connection, clarity, and maybe even a sobergasm or two?
Jo Dunbar
A journalist with over 15 years experience; ranging from online outlets to national newspapers via glossy magazines. Jo started her career on the Features team of a supplement at a national Sunday paper; from there she became a celebrity writer then celebrity editor and moved into women’s magazine with roles at…
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