- Feel Good
- 28th Feb 2025
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Things I wish I had known when my mum was going through menopause
With a BA(Hons) in Guidance and Counselling from Northumbria University, our columnist Charlotte Battista is on track to start working with her own clients by July 2025. She’s dedicated to empowering people to discover their best selves by discussing challenging topics, and in this month’s column, it’s the tricky relationship between (often) teenage girls and mothers experiencing symptoms of menopause…
I’ll admit it – I wasn’t the most understanding when my mum started going through menopause. I rolled my eyes and thought, here we go—another woman in her 40s acting like a melodramatic teenager. I just didn’t have the patience for it.
Now, I cringe, thinking about my attitude. Really, Charlotte? Someone who prides themselves on being empathetic, yet when it came to my own mum, I was dismissive and judgmental.
Society’s perception of menopause certainly didn’t help shape my outlook. Historically, it’s been seen as a marker of decline – a transition from ‘young’ to ‘old’, with women suddenly deemed ‘past it’ (whatever it even means).
TV and film have reinforced these outdated ideas. Take Bree Van de Kamp in Desperate Housewives – dating a younger man, secretly struggling with menopause, and terrified that her body’s changes would make her less desirable. It was portrayed as a crisis, something shameful to hide.
With a constant barrage of negative messages surrounding menopause, it’s no wonder so many of us have absorbed dismal, outdated views.
But things are shifting. Awareness is growing, conversations are happening, and menopause is no longer as taboo as it once was. There’s still work to do, but seeing more honest, supportive messages on social media has helped me re-educate myself. If I could go back to my teens and early 20s, here are the lessons I wish I’d known – so I could have shown my mum the empathy she deserved.
1. Menopause is physically and emotionally exhausting.
I get a tiny taste of it when I’m experiencing PMS – low mood, bloating, irritability – and even then, it’s rough. But for menopausal women, the symptoms can be relentless and far more intense. Some common ones include:
- Low mood and anxiety
- Migraines
- Difficulty sleeping
- Night sweats
- Changes to physical appearance (weight, hair, skin)
Imagine feeling all this at once, for months or even years, with no break. If someone dismissed my PMS, I’d be furious – so why did I expect my mum to just ‘get on with it’?
2. Every woman will go through menopause – so show the support you’d want one day.
Of course, I knew menopause was inevitable for all women, but it felt like a far-off concern. The reality is that the way we treat menopausal women now is an indicator of how we’ll be treated when it’s our turn. If I’d thought about that, I’d have been a whole lot kinder.
3. Menopause impacts everything—relationships, work, mental health.
It’s not just hot flashes and mood swings. Menopause can shake up every aspect of a woman’s life. Relationships change, sex lives can suffer, careers become more challenging to manage, and confidence can plummet.
Imagine dealing with all of that while also being met with judgment and criticism instead of support. It’s exhausting, isolating, and completely unfair.
4. Attitudes to menopause weren’t always this negative.
Historically, and still now in some other cultures, menopause wasn’t perceived as an ending – it was a transition into wisdom, leadership, and new societal roles. In many ancient cultures, post-menopausal women were revered as wise, experienced figures who helped guide their communities.
Instead of fixating on what menopause takes away, maybe we should focus on what it gives – a new phase of freedom, self-focus, and transformation.
I can’t go back and change the way I treated my mum when she was going through menopause. But what I can do is help shift the conversation. I hope that by reading this, you’ll check in on your mum, your aunties, your sisters, colleagues and friends, and give them the kindness and support they deserve.
Start by simply asking, how can I help? Then actually listen.
Be better than me. Be part of the change. Let’s rewrite the menopause narrative together.
Charlotte Battista
Charlotte is a passionate future counsellor who began her journey in 2019. After earning her BA(Hons) in Guidance and Counselling from Northumbria, she’s on track to start working with her own clients by July 2025. Charlotte is dedicated to empowering people to discover their best selves. She loves sharing well-being…
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