The warning signs of suicide and how to cope with the loss of a loved one – online counsellors The Clearing break the stigma

By Joanne Thornton, Qualified Counsellor and Clinical Associate at The Clearing 

Suicide can be a difficult subject to talk about.

It’s frightening to think that life could feel so hard, that someone we love might not want to continue on anymore. 

Although decriminalised way back in 1961, there’s still a lot of stigma and misunderstanding surrounding suicide. But the truth is that suicidal thoughts or ideations can affect any one of us and are not specific to age, economic or social status, race, gender or ethnicity. 

There are often various reasons why a person may feel overwhelmed and are experiencing suicidal thoughts. These may include ill mental health, relationship problems, financial difficulties, employment complications, a diagnosis of a serious health condition, the loss of a loved one or someone important, alcohol or substance misuse, bullying and social embarrassment. 

HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE WHO IS EXPERIENCING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS 

Supporting someone who has disclosed suicidal ideation can be challenging. It’s important to remind them that they are loved and that their purpose is still vitally important. 

Offer empathy and reassurance that you can sense things are extremely difficult for them, but try to gently remind them that these feelings will pass. Ask them what they feel they need: What do they need from you? Is there anything that will help ease things for them presently? It can be difficult for those in distress to articulate how they are feeling and finding the correct words can be impossible. In such instances, asking the person to score their mood on a scale of 1-10 is sometimes easier for them. Alternatively, using the traffic light technique to colour their mood, although less precise, can feel less intense. 

Although the focus will tend to be on the person in distress, it’s important to be mindful of self-care for yourself during such times. Supporting a person in a crisis can be exhausting. 

Should you feel that a friend, family member or loved one is in any immediate danger after disclosing suicidal thoughts, stay with them and avoid leaving them alone where possible. Remove items that you feel would be a potential danger to them – such as medication, sharp objects, alcohol, drugs – or items that could be used to restrict air entry into the person’s lungs. Talk to them about any plans they may have made. This is to gather as much information as possible, should they become difficult to locate.

HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF IF YOU HAVE LOST SOMEONE TO SUICIDE 

Losing a family member, friend or loved one to suicide can be devastating. Often those left behind feel a sense of responsibility and concern they could have/should have done more. 

We’re faced with lots of different emotions, some of which we may not have experienced before. Feelings of despair, shock, anger, disbelief, rejection, abandonment, depression and anxiety are common during the grieving process. Feelings of relief can also be experienced and are regarded as normal. 

As part of the planning in a person’s suicide decision, there is sometimes time taken to write a letter(s) to those they are leaving behind. The contents of such a letter(s) can vary from each individual. The content may include information such as offering a reason why they no longer feel compatible with life, asking loved ones for their forgiveness, apologising for their decision or telling them they’ve taken responsibility for ending their life. Without a letter, family and loved ones often have no explanation and can carry the burden of responsibility for the loss of their loved one. Additionally, without a letter, those left behind often carry anger which is difficult to place, making the stage of acceptance more difficult to reach within their grieving process. They can be left with an everlasting question of – why? 

Any grieving process is difficult and painful, but often the feelings and emotions experienced following a death by suicide can feel more intense. So much so that the process can result in marital and non-marital relationships breaking down. 

THE CLEARING

The Clearing Online offers counselling from the comfort of your own home, or from another safe place chosen by you. You are able to choose from online or telephone sessions that provide a space for you to explore your thoughts in a non-judgemental, confidential manner.

Even the darkest of nights pass and, with the right support, you will be able to find happiness again.

To find out more about how Joanne and the team at The Clearing can support you with potentially suicidal thoughts or to cope with the loss of a loved one to suicide, visit their website

Struggling to cope? Call Samaritans on 116 123 for free – they’re available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year

If you feel like you or someone you love is in immediate danger of suicide, ring 999 or go directly to A&E for medical attention