Mum shares heartache of tragically losing her baby due to miscarriage
Amneet Graham sadly lost her firstborn baby at 8 weeks and is now using her experience to help other grieving parents.
No one can comprehend what it’s like for a parent to lose a child.
More than 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, the equivalent of around a quarter of a million parents in the UK face this each year.
And Amneet Graham and her husband Dan are among those parents who know exactly what that heartache is like.
Amneet fell pregnant in 2017 after trying for a baby for more than two years following her diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome – which can make it more difficult to conceive. But when they finally saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, they were both over the moon when their dreams of starting a family came true.
Six weeks into the pregnancy Amneet began suffering from shoulder pain so went to hospital to get things checked out. Here she had an emergency scan which showed everything was fine and Amneet and Dan shared the magical moment of hearing their baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
But just two weeks later the couple’s world was turned upside down when they booked a private scan at a clinic.
‘We couldn’t wait 12 weeks for the next scan because we were really nervous after waiting so long for the pregnancy,’ says Amneet. ‘We didn’t think there would be any issues because we’d already seen the heartbeat. But when they couldn’t find a heartbeat, I was distraught. I didn’t believe them.’
During the two long days of waiting for a hospital appointment, Amneet and Dan were frantically searching for answers online hoping to find that staff had made a mistake. But when they visited the RVI, the couple’s worst fears came true when they were told the tragic news that their baby had no heartbeat.
‘It was awful, we already had heard our baby’s heartbeat,’ says Amneet. ‘My body didn’t show any signals I continued to be pregnant. I was really shocked. It was an absolutely devastating time; you don’t expect that it would ever happen to you. And there was no explanation as to why it happened either.’
A couple of days later Amneet underwent surgery to have her baby removed, a process she describes as ‘traumatic and quick’ which forced her to undergo the ordeal of losing her child for the second time.
Amneet and Dan were given a memory box which included a teddy bear, a candle from hospital staff and other items to help with their grieving and they were also invited to a remembrance ceremony.
But following this traumatic time, Amneet and Dan did get a happy ending. After receiving a round of fertility treatment, they fell pregnant in 2018 with Willow who was followed by little India who came into the world in 2020.
‘When I fell pregnant with Willow it was constant anxiety, we must have paid for so many private scans,’ says Amneet. ‘Constant worry and anxiety when it meant to be such an enjoyable time. That’s the thing when you have lost a baby it robs the joy and magic from you going through pregnancy again.
‘But when I look at them both now and I’m so grateful, they are so precious to me,’ Amneet added. ‘Giving them a hug and feeling their heartbeats is so special because all the way through the pregnancy that was one thing I wanted there to be, a heartbeat, and this is the same heartbeat.’
After her experience, Amneet set up her own charitable organisation, Willow’s Rainbow Box to provide comfort boxes to parents who are pregnant again after loss. The boxes include items such as a journal, positive messages and information leaflets to help to reduce anxiety during pregnancy. Plus, she runs a peer support group on Instagram.