Sian Confidential: I’m so anxious I’ve developed a phobia of using the toilet

Dear Sian,

I have always been a worrier and have suffered anxiety on and off since I was about 13 years old. When I was about 16, I started having problems going to the toilet or having what felt like diarrhoea. I also started with pains, wind and cramp. My doctor said it was probably IBS and there isn’t really a cure, apart from monitoring what foods set it off. I’m now 34. I have developed a phobia of using the toilets at work and public toilets in general. I can be woken up in the middle of the night with the need to go. It’s just plain embarrassing. My husband is pretty understanding, as it has also affected our relationship. It’s hard a lot of the time to relax with him when we get intimate. I work in a busy law firm and we are in the office most of the week. Despite being at work, I’m finding that I’m feeling depressed and isolated, my symptoms are getting worse and I feel like I’ve got nothing to look forward to except pain, embarrassment and a husband who will get fed up. I’ve got two beautiful children and I’m not really there for them as I am either anxious or numb.

Serena

The first anxiety to rid yourself of would be the fear around using the toilet and your bodily functions. Everyone goes to the toilet, even the queen, and no-one produces lavender sachets! Toilets are there to be used. Some of us women need to take a leaf out of a man’s book; my husband would proudly march to the toilet at work and on inter-city trains with a newspaper under his arm, alerting all who cared (and people don’t) what he was off to do for 20 minutes. Learning about breathing and relaxation techniques – whether it’s meditation or hypnosis – can help the digestive tract to operate in its optimum state. Digestion stops or is hindered by, anxiety. It’s part of the survival mechanism called ‘fight or flight’ (and would be worth Googling). The body needs all of its energy to go to the muscles to run or fight the threat when this system is activated by anxiety. Digestion takes up huge amounts of energy, so is temporarily shut down. It makes sense to me that a sluggish, paralysed digestive track is going to cause someone toilet problems. Absorption is not  optimised either during anxious times, leaving the body less nourished. Fatigue and low mood can ensue. Talk to your hubby and let him know your fears. Good communication is the keystone to a happy partnership.