Body dysmorphia: the everyday struggle

Is BDD something that most of us suffer from in varying degrees?

I think it could be argued that we all suffer to a certain degree. I believe that social media and the airbrushing techniques employed by the advertising industry have been very damaging in recent years. Young girls in particular are set false standards by the way the media portrays prominent figures, and through the rise of influencers on platforms such as Instagram. Clinically, many young girls may not be diagnosed with BDD, but they do develop harmful habits such as intolerance of the slightest blemish on their features.

As a nation, we’re all becoming more preoccupied with our looks, and perhaps the prevalence of social media has added to this rise. There’s been a huge increase in the number of apps available which enable users to alter their complexion or figure to fit into the ‘aesthetic’ on platforms like Instagram. It’s crucial that young people and parents are educated in the dangers of mental health issues caused by social media so we can help ourselves to fight against disorders like BDD and OCD.

How difficult is it to combat the feelings brought on by BDD?

It can be soul destroying. It controls every aspect of my life.

I don’t go out with friends, I freak out if I miss a workout. It impacts my marriage and my work. I live every day in the pursuit of a perfection that will never be there. When I look at my reflection it’s like looking in a fun house mirror; my mind magnifies every flaw, every imperfection. To me, what I see is real and I can’t convince myself otherwise. I see everything I want to change, and bodybuilding gives me a positive and less destructive outlet for it.

I’ve lived over half of my life with this disorder and I struggle every day to cope with it. I suffer self-doubt, low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 15 and I believe a huge part of that is due to my BDD. I’m also a sufferer of fibromyalgia which adds to the struggle of attaining the physique my brain demands.

I started getting tattooed when I was 15 because I wanted to cover what I so passionately hated with things that were beautiful. It draws people’s eyes away from my other flaws and they help cover a number of scars. I have someone else’s beautiful work on my body which makes me feel more comfortable with my appearance.

Find out more about Kookie’s journey by following her on Instagram and Facebook.